Monday, July 12, 2010

Old friends, Old Memories

I'm thinking of old friends today. Today is the birthday of the first man I ever kissed. That was 30 years ago so it might seem strange I would even remember. But today also happens to be the birthday of a man I never kissed, but would have liked to. Ironically, the first man I ever kissed now lives where the man I never kissed is originally from. My life is full of strange coincidences.

Today is also a day of preparation. Tomorrow I cross a barrier and put old burdens permanently behind me. Tomorrow my life will begin anew and my efforts will no longer be a "scramble to survive" but instead will become "working toward a new future". Funny how a piece of paper can change everything.

While it is good to keep one's eyes fixed on the future, I think it's also important to remember the past, for a past that is forgotten is destined to be repeated.

And tomorrow when I turn my eyes to a new future, I wonder what that future will look like. I have stood at crossroads before, and each path set before me had something to offer, a potential "something" that I could see and choose, or not. But this time is different. All my hopes and dreams have been shattered into a million pieces. Shredded into confetti and burned in a firestorm of futility because I took a leap of faith and lost. The road ahead is a blank page, waiting to written upon. But I find I have nothing I want to write. Like a newborn baby, I have only this moment of "now" and the pure potential of "what might be". The possibilities are overwhelming bits of whimsy, fluttering in the winds of change, blinking on and off like a night sky filled with twinkling stars.

So I look to the past for guidance and search for those things I wanted to do but couldn't. And in the midst of my quest, I sift through old memories and find old friends, speaking to me across time, each in their own way.

Fare well old friends. And thank you for the moments we shared.....