Tuesday, December 13, 2011

If I knew then what I know now.....

How many times did we hear that as we were growing up? "If I had known then what I know now"....Usually muttered by a much older adult with that wistful tone that makes us "youngin's" feel like ignorant stooges. Of course, the general consensus was that these older, wiser, adults were referring to insights that pertained to being successful. Like how to use credit to your advantage instead of letting creditors turn you into unwitting slaves.

And maybe they were. How the heck would *I* know. I only know when I look at what I know now vs. what I knew then, and attempt to "fill in the blanks"....here's what *I* wish I had known "then".....

I wish I had known those unattainable foxy guys in highschool; you know the ones; the all-star varsity sports no matter what they try to do, un-naturally handsome, confident and just all around so wonderful that if they looked at you for even a fleeting moment in the hallway you floated on a cloud for the rest of the day guys....were destined to be the high school janitors of the future.

I wish I had known that "No, I really DON'T have to plan the rest of my life before I graduate high school." I really can change occupations as often as I want and the sky isn't going to fall on my head.

I wish I had known that busting my butt to build good credit, buy expensive things, and "look" successful was going to be a disappointing, empty, and pointless journey.

I wish I had seen "the man behind the curtain" a LOT sooner.

I wish I had known that "working hard at a relationship" should never, ever, mean giving up my own hopes and dreams, giving up what I *need* from my partner, or becoming the submissive doormat upon which my partner wipes his feet.

I wish I had known those shy, awkward guys would turn out to be the best prospects for husbands.

I wish I had known that I am just as important, just as worthy, just as deserving of happiness, as anyone else, and that "the way I am" is equally as important as "the way you are".

I wish I had known there is not one single shred of evidence to support the idea that life was meant to be serious.

I wish I had known that it's better to do the wrong thing for the right reasons (love, compassion, empathy) than it is to do the right thing for the wrong reasons (guilt, fear, conditioning, indoctrination, martyrdom).

I wish I had understood just how truly big and loving God really is....instead of believing in that lesser God I was raised with.

I wish I had known that I can be happy at any given moment, simply by deciding to be happy...instead of always thinking "things will be better when...."

I wish I had known that someone who claims to love you, treats you like dirt, then picks a fight with you when you object, twisting everything around to make you feel like you somehow deserved exactly what you got and are somehow to blame for their bad behavior....doesn't really love you.

I wish I had known that the greatest satisfaction I would ever find would be in doing simple tasks whole-heartedly.

I wish I had known that the voice in my heart is waaaaaaaayyyy smarter than the voice in my head.

I wish I had known that trusting God sometimes means listening to that voice in my heart even when it tells me to do something that opposes everything I was ever taught about what God wants me to do. (Hm, isn't there a story about that in the Bible?)

I wish I had known that "worrying" and "trying to control how things turn out" are just signs that I'm not really trusting God.

I wish I had known that the whole time I thought I was doing "what's best for my children"....my children were wishing I would do what's best for me, because they hated seeing me suffer "on their behalf" and felt powerless to do anything about it.

I wish I had known that when I ride the fence....I'm not the only one that gets slivers.

I wish I had known that the more questions I answer and riddles I solve...the less important it would all seem to become.

I wish I had known that I should never trust someone who has a lot to lose (or at least thinks they do).

I wish I had known that the best relationships start with friendship, not limerance.

I wish I had known that the only things that matter, are the things I decide matter.

I wish I had understood that sometimes the most loving thing I can do, is walk away.