Saturday, February 25, 2012

Return of the Warrior....

Couldn't figure out where she went...where's she's been these past few years...since I moved to this town....I had almost convinced myself she left when I stopped breathing in the recovery room after "minor surgery" 4 days after my arrival in this town; and had a spiritual experience.....or I thought perhaps she left because moving meant I shouldn't need her was a mystery I just accepted.

But...she's back.....and I'm glad.

Never thought I'd be glad to have her back. Even though she can be extremely humerous, she does tend to make messes as she blasts through walls and chucks rocks at glass houses.....and I'm always the one stuck cleaning it all up and paying dearly for her shenanigans. Very few people understand, or even care, that my inner warrior only shows up when I've been pushed well beyond what anyone should have to tolerate.

But I have missed her....and now I know why.....she's my outrage.....she's the one who sticks up for me when I'm too soft-hearted to stick up for myself. She's the one that says "NO!" to any inherently wrong treatment I've been tolerating for a prolonged period of time. She's my courage and my clarity.

It actually makes me giggle when I think about some of the people I know reading the idea that I'm "too soft-hearted to stick up for myself"...but it's true. I'm an unnaturally understanding, tolerant, and forgiving person. I let a lot of things "roll-off" with a shrug and a smile. I don't freak-out about things that would have some people so riled up they completely forget everything they've ever believed about themselves being "kind" or "compassionate" or "a good Christian" or "forgiving" or whatever.

People can be really nasty about what I consider to be really dumb things.

I witnessed that again this week when a man in his 40's became completely unglued when another man in his 40's put his booted foot up on a chair that no one ever sits in while reading a newspaper because "what if there's grease on his boot and someone sits there later?". In about 1.7 seconds he progressed from "It bothers me that you have your foot on that chair" to personal attacks about what the other man's Mother had or hadn't taught him about "good conduct,"....while the rest of us scrambled to pick our chins up off the floor.

I was so flabbergasted I was actually speechless. All I could think was "Really? In a truck station where they provide the option of zip-up paper suits that cover your clothes from neck to ankles because that's the only way you can avoid getting greasy??? ........WOW."

Incidentally....I put on one of the white suits on Friday so I could grease the many zerks on my plow truck in preparation for the coming blizzard....and I admit I instantly had an almost overwhelming urge to also put on a welding helmet and go walk around downtown with a clipboard in hand: asking random people what "symptoms" they've been experiencing.....just for laughs....Yep, that would be my warrior.....

ANYWAY.....She's back....and she has a lot of unexpressed hurt and anger fueling her fire. So, fair warning to those of you who have grown accustomed to treating me badly and getting away with it now and I may fight back.