Monday, May 12, 2014

That's your shadow on the wall.....

I have a tattoo on my arm that holds special meaning in my mind. At first glance, others recognize it as the Egyptian Winged Globe encircling the Eye of Ra, but for me it holds significance in another way. That tattoo was my very first tattoo and I chose it specifically for it's ability to hold a variety of "reminder messages." It reminds me of dreams I've had, books I've read, and deeply spiritual insights I've experienced throughout my life.

One message in particular has a way of rising to the surface at key moments in my life, and this is one of those moments. It is the message of the all-seeing eye. It means both that you cannot hide from God/Universe and that you cannot hide from yourself. One way or another, life is going to bring you face to face with yourself and you're going to have to make a choice: Do you want to look or do you want to look away? But if you look away, life is going to bring you back to the mirror yet again; usually in some more painful and much more difficult way to ignore.

I've been playing a game with myself. I've been pretending that I can be normal and live a normal life, just like everyone else. I've been pretending that I can find a loving partner, work and pay my bills and someday retire like a normal person and quietly tick away the moments of my life baking cookies for my grandchildren until it's my turn to return to the Source of all that is. I've been pretending I can hide from who and what I am and avoid the task I know is mine to achieve, because it just feels too difficult and I'm tired and wounded. And the whole time I've been playing this game of hide-and-seek with myself, I've known it was futile. I've known that someday I was going to have to step up to the plate and be who I am, because that's my shadow on the wall.

The shadow I refer to is the current events occurring in my life. Like walls closing in around me, they are driving me toward that path I've been trying so hard to avoid. I can close my eyes or look the other way. I can dig in my heels or run the opposite direction. I can purposely make choices that will take me away from that path, but it marches toward me relentlessly none the less and fighting it has become harder than just rolling with it.

There comes a time when you just have to stop trying to run away from your shadow and learn to dance with it instead.

Tango, anyone?